waves

2008-01-19T13:30:00.000-08:00

hi anne,
its nice to write to you. hope you are doing fine.
i have been going through a lot of dilemmas .sometimes you end up in situations when you have no right choices. no right directions to take.i have had one such issue which has been not exactly bothering me but got to deal with it someday right. it is always said to be best left to time maybe
but i donno what solutions time can get along with it .i don't understand this mindset we all have inherited things should always be right. i myself am a victim to this syndrome.i guess its ok for things to be not fine. actually dont feel anything about it. i am trying to do something just for this mindset my sense has not provoked me for anything. so, i guess i just need to stop acting like this.
love,
chinmayi.s.k

i am bored ....

2008-01-11T02:50:00.000-08:00

hi anne,
how have u been??
its been such a boring day.start was pretty good my daughter woke me up and i found the problem with this stupid laptop and got to know how to fix bugs and all. ok i know i sound like a nerd :).seriously after that its pretty boring i got no work to do.i finished my work yesterday and no fresh work. i seriously cant live without work . for me every minute should go as planned i plan work everyday.mind being idle is never acceptable.i get an headache :).i know people who can stay days together without doing anything.i will probably go mad if that happens.ok pls someone give me work.where has all the work in the world gone.i want to do something productive i want to complete my plans for this quarter god pls help me.anne pls pls do something or i will go mad.
love,
chinmayi.s.k

strangers

2008-01-10T09:00:00.000-08:00

hi anne,
there are many instances in life when you come across strangers who go on to become a special part of your life.there are many i have met in my journey of life.many who have become a integral part of my life. they have been the greatest gifts life has given me and i treasure them.all of them might not be a big part of my life they might just be omens. i have had a few of them recently.
i was almost convinced that my city has lost its hospitable nature after what i saw.i dare not to even repeat such stuff. no, sooner i had two angels to prove me wrong.i was walking from my office to mg road i did not know my way and was wondering if i could make it. no sooner i found a lady walking in the same direction i decided to ask for help and she gladly not just directed me but also walked a extra mile we chatted through various topics. i remember those days in Bangalore when ppl needed no reason to speak to each other friends were easy to make.it was so good to have met her and had that talk through Richmond town.
the other stranger was a little kid of 10 years old he and his friends were playing in front of my house.i went out to look at these kids play.i just said a hi and in no time these kids became my friend we started playing all sorts of games . it felt like returning to childhood. i wished i could be like these kids just be able to trust anyone and mingle with them without thinking twice.
have no fears what so ever with every step i take .
love,
chinmayi.s.k

constraints

2008-01-07T10:51:00.000-08:00

many time most of us don't do what we love to do it is not for any reason but our choices it might be sensible to make such a choice the right way to do it .where have you lost it what is right and what is wrong who decides who said you cant decipher anything the way you want have you forgotten that this way of discovering is the best achievement you can make .everyone need not feel right about the same thing the same way the reason we are here are not to be machines but to evolve in our own ways not constrained.there is no rule in nature that is why it is so beautiful it sets its own ideals but never imposes rules.the feeling of doing what u want to do always makes the most beautiful colours those that result from ones imagination can never be bet.its your own no one can defeat your dreams nothing can defeat you in your perception your way . dream on go to realise it paint your own potrait use ur own colours use your own tools lets c who can stop u...
love,
chinmayi.s.k

Darfur

2007-12-13T06:43:00.000-08:00

hi anne,
how have u been??
Darfur i recently stumbled upon this name while flipping through the newspaper a few days ago.There is so much violence these days that you tend to overlook a lot of it and we as humans would love to live in an illusion "what ever bad happens will never occur to us" just a matter of convenience to not face the truth. I might be this one strange creature who is attracted to this misery i don't know makes me read such articles. I read quite a lot of such stuff. I was recently wondering about the UN peace keeping missions in africa and what was happening in this mystery continent . mystery because most of these countries seem to have a iron curtain.So, when i saw Sudan in the article i was eager to read more.
This article had three unusual terms oil, China and US. I decided to probe more on this issue . i saw quite a few versions of this issue one the official UN version and the sudans goverment version.the other version was by the press and the agencies that worked in Darfur.
If the press and the agencies are to be believed something very wrong is happening here which sets me thinking when ever i desire for some sort of luxury no matter how simple the luxury is like that of oil which we use so liberally every day.Darfur has become a sufferer for insatiable thirst of the crude oil by the so called "advanced countries ". while, the whole world is moving towards better economies and better living standards. The people of this place are barely struggling to stay alive they are definitely burning in this greed of the so called "better world".and no one is protecting this world just because doing so would harper their growth .how could stealing the childhood of thousands of children, inducing fear of life in millions of people get you a better life even if you would can u rest at peace in the night after knowing how many are suffering just for you .

love,
chinmayi.s.k

the UN side of the story
the other side of the story 1
the other side of the story 2
oxfam the agency working in sudan

(a google search on darfur will give countless number of them)

dew drops on a fresh green leaf

2007-12-09T11:39:00.000-08:00

lets start by sharing a morning i would love to live everyday.
On a slightly cloudy day when the sun rays are just warm enough to make their presence felt.As the sun rises i wake up gently by the nudging of my little princess my daughter. I freshen up and take a long walk in the huge garden which bears flowers through out the year with dew drops on their tender petals and a fragrance so fresh that nothing can replace the calmness it provides. Trees so huge that the sun in the afternoon sky has to show it self to earth in bits and pieces in such a way that each ray of it looks like distinct feature of the garden.my destination is a stream with fresh blue water chilled enough to be refreshing and with a pace that keeps me afloat while the sun rays fill warmth in me . I turn into a silent observer going with the pace of nature listening to the chirping sounds of the awakening birds and the flowing stream and filling my senses with the smells of blooming flowers. With nothing to think or plan .when i am contended i head back to cook something very delicious then i head to the woods hiking to find new places to read a book or two while i experience mother nature to the extent .
love you,
chinmayi.s.k

hang over

2007-12-09T11:25:00.000-08:00

hi anne,
how have u been??
ok now comes the worst part after all the fun and some passive time it is such a horrible phase.god save me i cant handle this when i "analyse" things and remember things and put the blame on myself in spite of the truth that every one is to blame equally now, i am going to start feeling that i was the one who ripped everything of and then how horribly i handle every situation and that i am a looser god... guilt is one major thing i always feel and the worst part i carry it through out my life i wish i can do some thing about this stupid thing [:)].i want to start afresh completely skip this phase what say ??
ok where do we begin a new page ... ok sure meet you there ... bye
love,
chinmayi.s.k

tips for how to loose a guy in ten days :)

2007-12-08T10:46:00.000-08:00

hi anne,
how have u been??
the title sounds familiar doesn't it...the movie was great had a great laugh actually such stuff work believe me i just lost one :).. well never meant to loose him but cant help can i..well speaking from my experience you know what if u sound a bit despo you can drive away the guy pretty easily other great way to drive away is honesty it works trust me :).. i quite remember a lot of things today for the first time in my life i did not cry even a bit an achievement on its own. i am not carrying a log either i guess the warmth of my friends and their spirit has kind of rubbed me lot other things as well made a difference i guess like my goals, my dreams and a lot of stuff i learnt over the years. things like "if something is not meant to be it is simply best abandoned" and my grandpa's fav from the gita " whatever happens happens for the good" . i am so lucky to have had some one like him to guide a young girl. annes pls give me strength to pass this phase of life and continue to live life.
love
chinmayi.s.k

< ? php echo 'Hello World!'; ? >

2007-12-06T08:25:00.000-08:00

hi anne,
how have u been??
i have been quite ok..
wondering what i am doing?? well this is a tribute to one guy i truly love and the guy who challenged my thinking and proved my belief about men wrong. I will consider myself lucky if he can be with me.I want to thank him for all that he gave me and all that he made me realize.I have never in my life changed for any one if there is some for whom i would love to be clay it has to be him.all the time i spent with him would be the best days of my life. i treasure them like the pearls of the ocean.
love,
chinmayi.s.k

listen to your heart

2007-12-05T08:32:00.000-08:00

hi anne ,
how have you been??
life is such a continuous learning process. we learn something now the next moment would be to unlearn it and make a fresh start in a journey to learn new things exploring horizons we have never heard of. I learnt how to use my thinking and brain for anything i do in the process i think i somewhere started replacing my heart with it .started living my relationships with my brain(sounds confusing rite :)). well i myself did not know that until one of my friends told me to stop living my relationships with my brain and start living them through my heart.heart goes with the sync doesnt reason a lot probably that's one of the best ways to lead life.of course leading completely with your heart is a foolish thing to do but i think heart and so called gut many times helps us make the best decisions in life many a times in situations when our mind is indecipherable
love,
chinmayi.s.k

a habitual offender :)

2007-12-01T09:51:00.000-08:00

hi anne,
how have you been??
i have been quite a person. dont know what you feel about it. but, it is i guess a integral part of me.god knows why i easily get bored i always keep hunting for excitement, some how don't feel like sticking to something for long. that is quite ok usually, today was quite a day mom was frowning for being so busy i was literally juggling between a lot of stuff it was fun. i went out with mom in the evening i took her on the giant wheel and pampered with all sorts of junk food.she loved it.i am so happy i could give her some quality time.the giant wheel is one of those things which excites me. The feeling of going over the edge taking risks and rising to heights and gracefully returning to base always gives me a high.i some how love to flirt with danger donno why :) but its good to be that.today was the limit i am not speaking of giant wheel do you know what i think i was feeling things i shouldnt think of, i have never thought that to be wrong i have always believed that its ok to love a person and also feel that you have stopped loving them i have done so many times ,when i was with a friend of mine all of a sudden i got a few vibes which should normally not be the case i donno why .
love,
chinmayi.s.k

little things

2007-11-30T01:22:00.000-08:00

hi anne,
how are you doing??
i am doing ok sort..
you know little things that we do brings so much happiness to our lives. nostalgia hit me now when i saw the vayam website. god, those were the times we missed classes for a cause,worked singularly for a cause nothing else was on our minds except the goal. The goal of giving those little friends of ours a life we always dreamt of . when every breath was filled with that goal.. each one of us probably for the first time in our lives had a mission,direction and were inspired to work towards something that is nothing for self. those were the days that still swells my heart with pride of being a responsible youth of trying to change something we wished to ,rather than to sit and crib.every one was so committed and if any one of us lost spirit the team lent it. in fact there was no time when the spirits could go low at all.that was a movement not just a silly trend a movement to awaken to the potential to the possibility the positive energy the moment to realise the amount of love we all possessed and that no one can stop us if we awaken
those were one of the best days of my life and the whole team no one dares to deny it that was one of those times when our parents felt proud of us when we earned respect among our peers and love from a lot of people.as one of my friends said " we tried to give something back to the society but what did we know that we would get hundred times back." this is my humble request to all my peers try your best to make a difference it matters a lot to a lot of people .every soul on earth is important ,we realize it or not a drop of water cannot make an ocean but without every drop coming together there is no ocean.
love ,
chinmayi.s.k
http://vayamsadaiv.org

nothing at all

2007-11-29T03:03:00.000-08:00

hi anne,
how have u been??
do you know how much i love him god my days and nights are filled with him.
everything reminds me of him.he makes me complete lying in his arms and feeling his warmth kills every negativity in me it only reminds me of how much love is there in the world makes me unaware of anything else on the contrary.
imagine someone singing their feeling of love to you how often do people do that. when someone on sings
"Its amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you dont say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
Theres a truth in your eyes saying youll never leave me
The touch of your hand says youll catch me when ever I fall
You say it best..when you say nothing at all "

it transports you to a different world thats the best one can get.
he some how reads through me realizes all my dreams he knows every breath i take even before i actually take it. I feel living a dream all the time i spend with him.it so lovely. he says a thousand things with everything he does.i feel like singing to him " you say it best when you say nothing at all".
love,
chinmayi.s.k

"chinmayi the puzzle -hints can be found here"

2007-11-25T03:23:00.000-08:00

hi anne,
how are you doing??
i donno how to describe what i am feeling i wish u could see me making all sorts of faces .i feel strange wicked and spooky. its one strange thing to experience.
you know what one of my friends told me that i should write a blog or create a website called "chinmayi the puzzle -hints can be found here" ( thats so funny). she also told me that people will forget the meaning of hints :D . it made me laugh out loud god i know it is kinda true . i donno why but i love to get difficult to people who get close to me perhaps my mother is the lone person who is spared of this.i love being a challenge every moment and set you thinking.don't ask me reasons. i also love ppl who can face it i treasure them like hell off late i think i am becoming vulnerable by exposing this self . i mean it makes them love me and also makes them stay away from me. i love for them to discover me at the same time i completely change when i think some one is close enough to discover..
love ,
chinmayi.s.k

reality check

2007-11-21T03:03:00.000-08:00

hi anne,
donno what is right what is not..what to trust what not to..
to believe why my heart says or what my thinking says.
in fact i dont want to dwell anymore cant there be another miracle??
it was so much fun to experience that sweet life (let me tell u secret anne i really wish all my life went like that) . he is like peter to me .i love him and this love is going to cost me a lot.i just want to get away from all this i want to get back to my goals. i donno if i will ever dare to love anyone i wish some one just rescues me. its painfull whatever i say. but, i know no one apart from has the courage to undergo this (i guess thats the reason i always end up in such situations).give strength like always to pass through this
love,
chinmayi.s.k

2007-11-20T08:32:00.000-08:00

hi anne
i dont know how i get involved in all such stuff i am trying to dream impossibly .each time i try to fit in it never happens i know i am cursed and will never have a normal life why do i even try to have one.its no ones fault neither mine nor others .my life was supposed to be meant like this let not give me happiness at all its so much better than giving me it and then snatching it away.i just donno i never want anyone to be why am i like this. i hate it .i hate myself . let me be be why do u do this. i love u anne

head over heels

2007-11-19T08:25:00.000-08:00

hi anne,
i feel so lovely.i can feel his wet lips smooching me so deep that i don't want to leave that world .his sweet voice whispering the bliss full words "i love you" i skip a heart beat whenever he says that. his warmth completes me he always says i make him feel complete what does he know that i was never so complete.I feel like telling him sweet heart ,you have filled my world with so much love i don't know how many life times it is going to take me to completely experience every bit you have offered me.you make me love you more with every moment i spend with you.i miss you every moment i am not with you .i want to dream my every dream with you.i love you loads (muahh!!)

anne i am so glad i met him he always makes me feel so comfortable he vanishes all my fears even before i can start feeling them.i miss him terribly.thank god things changed for all the reasons god know i am happy those days of solitude bore a fruit a very sweet one whose taste is so ecstatic
love,
chinmayi.s.k

i dont know i dont care probably i do care

2007-11-12T09:40:00.000-08:00

hi anne,
i donno what is happening it is just happening i don't like it thats it last week was a bliss.Those four days i forgot everything i did what made me happy forgot about idiots forgot about all dependancies in fact had none i did not have to bother about any body for anything did have to think before i do could think at my own wish . no one to stop me from being me . i did not have to care if someone loves me or not. i could just stand by and experience go with the sync.
i donno anne , i just don't want to write anymore.the guy i loved i dont want to love him anymore we are leading different paths he is leading his and i mine. he probably has better relationships with my so called "friends" than me.god knows whats in store for me.i just want to live the path of the journey with no questions no answers just experience and experience it to the max live with sync.basically live in peace how would u like an idea like that :).
awesome right
love,
chinmayi.s.k

sweet beginings

2007-11-01T09:36:00.000-07:00

hi anne,
how have u been?
you know how much i love to sleep in the mornings .well,yesterday i slept late(at 6:00or so) which i love to do whenever i can.i love the nights there is something that attracts me to it the silence
and peace of the night.the cool breeze of the trees it is soo romantic... The way it calms you down and gives you a different sort of energy i love it.given a chance i would probably convert night to days and vice versa(:)).morning sleeps too have a beauty to it the freshness of the sleep is a experience by itself .Imagine with all this beauty you get to listen to the voice of your sweet heart and begin your day.well that way today.i felt so glad he called i love him to the core.his voice always rekindles the love in my heart .That steady spirit ,that kind heart and the strong persona its difficult not to get attracted (not my fault is it ? :)).
love,
chinmayi

Change

2007-10-31T07:25:00.000-07:00

hello anne,
how have u been?
i don't know if it is for the good.
but, i know it is one thing we cant avoid.It is the reason our existence ,our world.I probably love rather am pretty mad about it. i love to see the change for the better in this world .
i love to change everyday i guess thats the reason why i love what i am.
there is one change which is happening as i talk he is going a complete metamorphosis.i donno anne i feel good for him want to support him but i know that this change is a huge one in his life its going to change everything at the end of it i dont even know if he will still be my friend(this is one of those changes).not that i am afraid but just that it is a change :)
love
chinmayi.s.k

crossed

2007-10-27T05:07:00.000-07:00

hello anne,
how have u been?
well sometimes i feel violated ,at those times i have to do something to get off this feeling.at that time its quite frustrating until i find what i need like i am feeling now.Nothing i planned worked out today sometimes it happens donno what to do ..i hate such stuff..
i am just wasting time if i am in such a state .Right now i feel like drinking hot chocolate and getting drenched.. in fact i feel like having a hot water bath (god i really need emotion icons to express myself) how are they created ?? this is one more puzzle who cares...
you know what, my classmates are planning a trip to a place .It is one awesome place it smells and feels like heaven there its so beautiful it drags u to it. a lush green plateau ,a dangerous slope ,a green stretch ,the misty peak god it is awesome to the core .i want to camp there sleep there all my life relax and feel the nature, the strong winds ,the romantic feeling that never wades off .when the sun comes i want to feel the gentle warmth of it rays .sleep on the dew dropped fresh grass.It gives a sense of elixir god there are such beautiful things in this world each one formed with an ample amount of innocence . Such a thing has a class of it own so pure that nothing wishes to violate it .I guess thats the ultimate thing one can achieve. wish to achieve it some day...
love,
chinmayi.s.k

day to relax

2007-10-25T09:47:00.000-07:00

hello baby,
oops sorry !!!

hello anne, :)
how have ya been ??
well don't ask about me had a great swing today .it was awesome and also painful.
it was such a romantic day slept till 1:15 can ya believe it. I don't think you will be surprised :).
wow the weather was awesome it was raining and you know how much i love rains it was beautiful to the core Betta was looking stunning.i ate hot noodles went out for a walk the sky was a beauty to watch. i felt like getting drenched to the core in fact i felt like getting into a waterfall wish there was one near by.i felt totally fresh .fresh mind, fresh air, fresh sky god it was awesome.there were so many birds flying in the sky i could feel that freedom of flying the wind was at it best .it was a perfect day for a die hard romantic like me.went out had some hot chocolate my senses rejoiced.
this is called "in love" :) if life is always like this it would be the best .
it was a great day every pain i had the previous night was worth it for this day.
love you
chinmayi.s.k

2007-10-23T10:35:00.000-07:00

hi anne,
how are u??
i am feeling so horrible.
i donno whats wrong with him or me . well i feel so bad like he is ignoring me or something may be he is not .why am i like that . well by the way he looks so handsome its so much fun to look at him.but it feels horrible when i feel he ignores.dont know what to do..
help me anne
love you,
chinmayi.s.k

2007-10-21T09:59:00.000-07:00

hi anne,
how have you been? i have been ok dear
there is lots i have to tell you .you know the first time in my life i felt i have loved the father of my daughter.
today was one of those days when i felt so lovely when i looked at him i felt the maturity of a man i felt he is one guy who could handle me whatever happens he could a perfect husband.The beauty of his heart is enormous i don't think any one who would see it could not love him.i love him quite enough to wish him happy even if he will not be mine.i wish he could me mine.Those broad shoulders that generous heart it felt like i got everything i need just being around him.for the first time i felt i dont know if he can be mine but i wish he could at least be my daughters father. He would make the worlds most wonderful father.it was such a romantic feeling its so hard to describe my heart felt completed. i always wanted my daughter to have wonderful father something i never had i wanted her to think of her father as everything to feel the safety of a protector. the prime reason i choose never to marry and adopt was to give a child all that love she deserved in the world never let her miss anything.Anne do you remember my dream of having a husband who is just not namesake more importantly who can be the best father my daughter desired this is the guy.I will never get this guy i don't care for that i never expect love for me after all that i have seen but i really wish my daughter has a father like him.
i love him too much and would love him to be my husband but more importantly be my daughter's father i want to give her all that i missed in my life
love you,
chinmayi.s.k

2007-10-18T09:04:00.000-07:00

hello anne,
how have u been??
me doing ok... btw i learnt a lot in the time between when i last wrote and now.
life is not always fine but it is sometimes is probably. everything need not be as it has to be it is enough if it is as it is best for you.there a lot of people out there who don't get "their love " as they call it but what they don't realize is that theydont need it the way of general perception.
For me although it would be great if i had my guy to hold me in his arms and love me i realised that it would not be possible . But, on the contrary i have been receiving love by the small talks i have with him and the infinite support he always gives me which actually gives me a missing block in my life.I love him for that.
I also realized that there are a lot more people in this world who give me loads of love ,care and affection which add a lot to my world.
That does not mean i don't fantasize my man and me in his arms and all the mills and boons stuff.I probably will experience them one day too ;)
ciao
love,
chinmayi.s.k

back to writing in u waves

2007-10-13T12:19:00.000-07:00

hi anne
how are u?
hope u are doing well dear.sorry have not been able to write to you from a long time
dunno why i cud not bring myself to write to you.missed you terribly though.
thanx for being there with me dear .there is a lot u thought me one about life not being fair i don't know how true it is.. i just cant judge anything .things have been good and bad.
i just need strength to go through the whole thing. especially loving without expecting a return just plan something good for me sometimes such things just break me out . give me strength to go ahead .
love ,
chinmayi